all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
