he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
only if we run a train.
done.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
