Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
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They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??