i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
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I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.