I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
