Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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