super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
