the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
