Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My bed smells like the plague
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
