Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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