Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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