this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
