This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
