Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I deserve this hangover.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
