Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
