Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
