When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
