hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
