She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
