i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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