I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There r osticjed everywhere
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
