I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
