i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
did you just send me my own nude
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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