When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
