She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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