watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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