The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
