Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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