I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
COCAINE IS GR8
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
