I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
