Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
