I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
