he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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