I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
