you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
