the day after is always just damage control
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
