oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
