they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
