I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
