I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
