i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
