He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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