Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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