I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
