I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
