you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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