i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
