Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
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I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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