all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
