I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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