I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
