Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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