I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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