Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
