Christians are straight up FREAKS
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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