I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
