its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
