thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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