dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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