Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Never underestimate the power of titties
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
