My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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