He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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