I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i dont even know how to be here
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
