I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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