im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
