i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
