dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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