How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
