Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
