sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
