The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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