mondays should just be called national damage control day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
