i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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