Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
