It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
