my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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