bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize