we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I will be naked everywhere
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
